


Steven and the Holiday Gems

by LadyNeuf



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternative Universe-Christmas, Christmas, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:34:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28329063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyNeuf/pseuds/LadyNeuf
Summary: Steven shares Christmas with the Crystal Gems, but Santa is missing. Can they save the day?We are the holiday gems. We'll always save Christmas. And if you think we won't, you'll get coal in your stocking. That's why the elves of this world, believe in Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl- And Steven! And Santa! Come celebrate Christmas with festive parody songs and more!This is the original ambitious script written for the 2019 Holiday Matsuri Panel "Steven Universe and the Holiday Gems," before a series of events occured that resulted in us restructuring the panel into an semi-improv Q&A structure, though following still following the script in spirit.  I still value the script and wanted to share it with everyone.As a panel & script written for a Holiday-centered convention, this takes places in an Alternative Universe where the holidays exist, but are non-religious. Christmas focuses on Santa, presents, and being together with family.  The script itself was written around Holiday parodies of Steven Universe songs, and Steven Universe parodies of Christmas songs. I hope you enjoy this, and Happy Winter Solstice Holiday of your Choice.





	Steven and the Holiday Gems

Steven and the Holiday Gems

<Jingle Bell Rock ⇒ Crystal Gem Rock>

Crystal gem, Crystal gem, Crystal gem rock   
Crystal gem swing and Crystal gem sing   
Goin’ and glowin’ up fusions of fun   
Now the Crystal dance has begun

Crystal gem, Crystal gem, Crystal gem rock   
Crystal gem feat in Crystal gem beat   
Loving and Living in the Earth Base   
in Beach City space

What a swell time, it’s a rebel time   
to rock the cosmos away   
Crystal Gem time is again time   
to go saving the Earth once more

Dance-up Crystal Gems, pick up your gems,   
Crystal around the clock   
Dip and a-friendship in the Crystal gems   
That’s the Crystal gem rock

Crystal gem, Crystal gem, Crystal gem rock   
Crystal gem feat in Crystal gem beat   
Loving and Living in the Earth Base   
in Beach City space

What a swell time, it’s a rebel time   
to rock the cosmos away   
Crystal Gem time is again time   
to go saving the Earth once more

Dance-up Crystal Gems, pick up your gems,   
Crystal around the clock   
Dip and a-friendship in the Crystal gems   
That’s the Crystal gem   
That’s the Crystal gem   
That’s the Crystal gem rock 

Steven : Heelloooooo , Holiday Matsuri! Wel come to our panel.

Pearl:  This is a PG panel, so nothing too gross or rude. Or what’s the human term again? “Sexual” in nature. And no swearing. And please don’t—

Amethyst: Hey Holmat!

Pearl: Please no interruptions, and when we get to the Q&A portion, please wait your turn to be called.

Garnet: Please turn off all cellphones. That includes yours Pearl.

*Pearl’s phone goes off--Amethyst call Pearl* 

*Amethyst laughs*

Steven : Future vision!

Pearl:  That’s right! I have a cellphone, now. *Pearl turns cellphone off*

Garnet: Please respect the con and each other. This is not a wrestling match, so no fighting.

Amethyst:  Oh, maaaan. Enough with the rules, let’s start the panel already!

Amethyst: wait, what was the purpose of this panel again?

Steven : We are going to talk all about Christmas! And sing Christmas songs! And have lots of fun!

<Steven: Be Wherever You are ⇒ Be Holly-Jolly>

Isn’t this such a Spirited Night   
Whoa, we’re amidst a thousand Christmas lights   
Isn’t nice to find yourself enjoying Christmas   
Whoa, why don’t you let yourself just be Holly-Jolly   
Look at this tree, look at you three   
I’ve never seen you dressed like this before

Isn’t nice to find yourself enjoying Christmas

Whoa, why don’t you let yourself just be Holly-Jolly

Look at this tree, look at you three   
You’re shining like a thousand Christmas lights

Isn’t nice to find yourself enjoying Christmas   
Whoa, why don’t you let yourself just be Holly-Jolly   
why don’t you let yourself enjoy Christmas   
Whoa, why don’t you let yourself just be Holly-Jolly

Pearl: What’s Christmas?

Amethyst:  Oh, I know! it’s that holiday when all the stores are on sale and you get more stuff. You can’t have too much stuff.

Steven: Amethyst, you’re focusing too much on buying stuff, rather than the spirit of the holiday.

Amethyst: I don’t know Steven, buying stuff for Christmas seemed pretty important to the Moneys in Lil’ Butler.

Steven: But that’s not what Christmas is about!

Amethyst: Then what do you think Christmas is about?

Garnet: Being Together. Christmas is about being Together.

Pearl: I’m pretty sure Christmas isn’t about Fusion. Isn’t it a Human Holiday? 

Garnet: Pearl, Christmas is about being Together. You will see as you discover the magic of Christmas.

Steven: Oh! Speaking of being together… Garnet, tell all the people of Holiday Matsuri how you came together.

<Garnet song: “Garnet the Ruby Sapphire Fusion”>

Ruby of the Fusion Garnet   
Had a love named Sapphire   
And If you ever saw her, (saw her)   
You would say she’s Love-ly

All of Blue Diamond’s Court (court)   
used to want to shatter them   
They never let poor gems (gems)   
fuse with other gem kinds (like cross fusions)

Then at the Rebellious Earth colony   
Rose Quartz came to say   
Garnet with your love so bright   
Won’t you join my Rebellion

And the Crystal Gems loved (loved her)   
And she shouted with glee   
Garnet the Ruby Sapphire Fusion   
Now I’ll have a place to be me

Steven: It’s beautiful.

Pearl: But weren’t we talking about Christmas?

Amethyst: Yeah, and Christmas being about being together… Aren’t you—Ruby and Sapphire—together all the time?

Garnet: Naturally. But holidays are like weddings, a wonderful human of celebrating their relationships and coming together in special days. And this Christmas we get to spend with Steven.

Pearl: Yes! This Christmas we get to spend it with Steven, so Christmas is A-OK!

Steven: I can’t believe this is your first Christmas. Though as gems it also makes sense.

Pearl: Well, it’s not exactly our first Christmas.But it’s the first time celebrating it together.

Steven: I guess Mom didn’t celebrate Christmas either.

Pearl: Of course, Rose loved Christmas! She loved all human things! She disappeared with Greg for weeks up to the holidays.

Steven: I thought you guys didn’t celebrate Christmas before.

Pearl: We didn’t, not together at least, but Rose did.

Steven: And she didn’t…take you with her....

Pearl: No. You know, up until now, I didn’t like Christmas. Rose had Greg. Amethyst had Li’l Butler and Vidalia. Garnet had Ruby and Sapphire. But as for myself…

< Pearl Song: It’s Over Isn’t it? ⇒ It’s Christmas Isn’t it?>

I was fine, with holidays   
that would come into our lives now and again   
I was fine cause I knew   
We’d always spend them together until now

I was fine when he came   
Told his holiday like it was some silly game   
Christmas Eve, What’d she choose   
After all those years, I never thought I’d lose

It’s Christmas, Isn’t it?   
Isn’t it?   
Isn’t it Christmas?   
It’s Christmas, Isn’t?   
Isn’t it?   
Isn’t it Christmas?

He’s merry and she’s bright   
I’m alone, this silent night   
It’s Christmas, Isn’t it?   
Why’s Rose moved on? 

Season’s Greetings, toy invention,   
Elves, Reindeer, her attention   
Sparking tree lights, love’s potential   
Gem, human, experimental   
How is there Joy in this World without her?   
Bah humbug what I deserve without her   
What does it matter? It’s already come   
Now I’ve got to wait ‘til it’s done

It’s…Christmas, isn’t it?   
Isn’t it?   
Isn’t it Christmas?   
It’s Christmas, isn’t it?   
Isn’t it?   
Isn’t it Christmas?   
He’s merry and she’s bright   
I’m alone, this silent night   
It’s Christmas, isn’t it?   
Why’s Rose moved on?

It’s Christmas, isn’t it?   
Why’s Rose moved on? 

Pearl: It’s not that I never heard about Christmas. But I never wanted to hear about it…

Steven: I’m sorry Pearl… does Christmas bother you? Does this mean you don’t want to celebrate Christmas with me?

Pearl: What? No, of course I want to spend Christmas with you!

Pearl: It’s not that I didn’t like Christmas itself. And this year, we are spending Christmas together, so I’m so interested and I need to hear all about it! 

Amethyst: Speak for yourself. I usually have a big schedule of marathoning the Li’l Butler Christmas Special.

< Amethyst song:  “White Christmas” ⇒ “Lil’ Butler Christmas”>

I’m dreaming of Lil’ Butler Christmas   
Just like the ones I saw on TV   
where the Moneys spend their money   
Lil’ Butler has no mummy   
so he acts as the moneys Jeeves

I’m dreaming of Lil’ Butler Christmas   
With every episode so yummy   
May their days be merry and funny   
You people have too much money

I’m dreaming of Lil’ Butler Christmas   
Just like the ones I saw on TV   
where the Moneys spend their money   
Lil’ Butler has no mummy   
so he acts as the moneys Jeeves

I’m dreaming of Lil’ Butler Christmas   
With every episode so yummy   
May their days be merry and funny   
You people have too much money

Garnet: Amethyst, we are not going to be watching Lil’ Butler.

Amethyst: Isn’t Christmas supposed to be fun?

Steven: Christmas is fun. The lights, the candy cane, the elves, the reindeer, Santa Claus… *Steven just lists things connected to Christmas*

Amethyst: Blah, Blah, Blah, Christmas. If we’re not going to be watching, Lil’ Butler, then what are we going to do?

Steven: I know, let’s ask what they do for the holidays! 

*Steven gestures at the audience*

*Q&A where panelists ask Audience members how they celebrate the holidays*

Garnet: Future Vision. We have a mission. We need to save Christmas for Steven.

Steven: What do we need to save it from?

*Garnet gets interrupted as Lapis and Peridot enter*

Garnet: Santa—

Peridot : Steeeeven! We’re here to join your earth, what-cha-ma-call it celebration?

Lapis: I think on Camp Pining Hearts, it was called the “Holiday Special Episode”

Peridot : Yes, Happy Holiday Special!

<Peridot & Lapis:  “Feliz Navida” ⇒ “Feliz Christmas” >

Feliz Christmas   
Feliz Christmas   
Feliz Christmas   
Camp Pining Hearts taught us this song

Feliz Christmas   
Feliz Christmas   
Feliz Christmas   
Lapis n’ Peri caroling along

We wanna wish you a merry Earth thing   
We wanna wish you a merry Earth thing   
We wanna wish you a merry Earth thing from the bottom of our geeeeeeeeeems~~

We wanna wish you a merry Earth thing   
We wanna wish you a merry Earth thing   
We wanna wish you a merry Earth thing from the bottom of our geeeeeeeeeems~~

Feliz Christmas   
Feliz Christmas   
Feliz Christmas   
Christmas in July is the best Holiday!

Feliz Christmas   
Feliz Christmas   
Feliz Christmas   
We need some mistletoe for Percy and Pierre!

We wanna wish you a merry Earth thing   
We wanna wish you a merry Earth thing   
We wanna wish you a merry Earth thing from the bottom of my geeeeeeeeeem~~

We wanna wish you a merry Earth thing   
We wanna wish you a merry Earth thing   
We wanna wish you a merry Earth thing from the bottom of my geeeeeeeeeem~~

Peridot : You clods!!!

Lapis : Nice one!

* Peridot & Lapis give a low high five*

Peridot: WE NAILED IT!

Steven: Oh, hey guys, what are you wearing?

Pearl: I would have asked Amethyst that too.

Amethyst: Hey, this is my Mr. Moneys Christmas Suit.

Peridot : These are our “Christmas in December” outfits.

Amethyst: Wait, you know about Christmas?

Lapis: Of course, Season 4 Episode 13.

Peridot : The Camp Pining Hearts Holiday Special Episode.

Steven: There’s a Christmas Episode for Camp Pining Hearts?

Peridot : Of course, there is!

Lapis: Camp Pining Hearts has episodes about everything in Earth culture.

Amethyst: But for it to have a Holiday Special… Isn’t that a  _ “summer” _ camp show? And Peridot you don’t need to get your alien boxers in a bunch, and explain aaaaall about Camp Pining Hearts, and Percy & Pierre over Percy & Paulette.

Peridot : Amethyst, clearly Percy & Pierre is THE optimal ship.

Lapis : And obviously they celebrate Christmas in July.

Peridots : Do you clods have any additional questions for us regarding Christmas in July!!

*Audience may ask Peridot & Lapis Questions about Christmas in July here. Peridot has her Camp Pining Hearts shipping cart ready*

Peridot : And clearly the more superior holiday between Christmas in July and Christmas in December, is Christmas in July.

Lapis : And yet, none of you came to our Christmas in July Party.

Peridot : And so, to be the superior campers, we have decided to come to your Christmas in December party. So next year, you will come to our superior Christmas in July party.

Amethyst: Guys, it’s called Christmas. And you are totally missing the point.

Peridot : The point about what?

Garnet: The true meaning of Christmas.

Steven: We can just have Santa explain the true meaning of Christmas.

Pearl: Who’s Santa?

<Steven: Cookie Cat ⇒ Santa Claus>

Oohhhhhh!   
He’s a Jolly Elf with all new presents!   
‘Cause he came to give for a happy event!   
A Red-suited man from the North Pole lodgings   
And now he puts toys in your stockings!

Santa Claus!   
Got a white beard and red hat!   
Santa Claus!   
He’s super super fat   
Santa Claus!   
He left Misses Claus behind!   
Santa Claaaaaaaaaaaaaus   
Now available Christmas Eve on your rooftop.   
  


Peridot : About that Steven…We kind of…

Lapis : We ran over Santa.

*Garnet overly obviously sneakily leaves comedically*

< Lapis & Peridot : “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer” ⇒ “Santa Got Run Over by a Crystal Gem”>

Santa got run over by the  gems   
Coming out’ the Barnyard Christmas Eve   
You can say there’s no such thing as Santa   
But as for me & Lapis , that’s a relief

We'd been watching Camp Pining Hearts   
And Percy begged us not to go   
But he scared our pumpkin   
And we knocked him out in just one blow

When they found Santa in the cornfield   
At the scene of the attack   
He was submerged in a puddle   
With incriminating prod marks on his back

[Steven puts hands in his head/hair & goes: WWWHAAAAAAAT.]

Santa got run over by the  gems   
Coming out’ the Barnyard Christmas Eve   
You can say there’s no such thing as Santa   
But as for me and Lapis, that’s a relief

It's not Christmas without Santa   
Camp Pining Heart featured him as well   
And we just can't help but wonder   
Should we keep all the gifts   
Or send them back (Steven: send them back!)

*Steven starts trying to pinch himself*

Now we're all so proud of Steven   
He's been taking this so well   
See him in there, his mouth a-gapping   
Breathing here and standing next to Amethyst

Santa got run over by the Gems   
Coming out of the Barnyard Christmas Eve   
You can say there’s no such thing as Santa   
But as for me & Lapis, that’s a relief

Now that Santa is— *scratch sound/ interrupted by Steven*

Steven: You guuuuuuuuuys did whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?!!

Peridot : We are really sorry, but Santa’s not going to be delivering any presents now.

Lapis : We thought he was a dangerous trespasser.

Peridot : But hey, on the bright side—get it because he has those colorful holiday lights—   
  
Lapis : Nice one, Peri *High Fives*

Peridot : He is our newest meep morp.

Steven: Oh, noooo! What would Christmas be like without Santa! Christmas is ruined!

<Steven: “Giant Woman” ⇒ “Santa Claus (2)” >

All I want to do is see the coming of   
Santa Claus   
Santa Claus!   
All I want to be is someone who gets to see   
Santa Claus.   
All I want to do is see the saving of    
Santa Claus.   
Santa Claus!   
All I want to be is someone who gets to see Santa Claus.   
Oh I know it’ll be great and I just can’t wait   
to see Christmas with Santa together   
Give Santa a chance you can Christmas romance   
Because the Holiday is Santa   
You might even like Christmas together   
And if you don’t it won’t be forever.   
But if it were me, I’d really like to see Santa Claus. Santa Claus!   
All I want to do is see the coming of Santa Claus.

Peridot : Lapis, it looks like we may have really messed up!

Lapis : You saved the Earth how many times, and you just really want to see Santa?

Steven: Santa is my hero, I don’t even know how he does it. Besides, I never actually got to see Santa himself, because all the good little boys and girls sleep when he comes.

Lapis : You know, for a dangerous trespasser, he seems kind of… timid.

Steven: He’s not dangerous!

Lapis : Obviously.

Steven: And he’s not a trespasser!

Lapis : Doesn’t he break-in, and enter people’s homes without permission? 

Peridot : He’s a criminal!

Steven: What, no! He doesn’t break in .

Pearl: I don’t know Steven. They have a point. Does Santa ask to enter the house first?

Steven: Santa doesn’t need to go in and ask to give everyone presents. He does without asking anything in return except for the smiles of children.

Amethyst: I don’t know Steven. Last time I put ‘presents’ in Pearl’s room, she got mad.

Pearl: Amethyst, That was trash.

Pearl: Besides, I like to keep everything nice and orderly in my room. Steven, where does this Santa put his little “gifts”?

Steven: Under the Christmas tree, or in the stockings by the fireplace.

Pearl: Why would anyone put anything besides feet in stockings?

Peridot : For the morps.

Pearl: The what?

Lapis : The meep morps. Duh.

Steven : Guys, if you could only see how happy he makes everyone Christmas Day. But I guess, you can’t since Santa will never come again…

*Garnet returns, but look, she is different. Garnet is wearing a really bad-looking white beard, possibly made from a mop from the dollar tree OR the cotton ball beard*

Garnet: Fear not. Hoho, this is Santa.

Steven : Garnet! What are you wearing?

Garnet: I’m not Garnet, I’m Santa. I am made not of love, I’m made of Jolly.

Steven : But there’s something different about you…

Garnet: I dyed my hair black to appeal to today’s youth. And as this is the Sunshine State, obviously I require sunglasses for protection.

Pearl: There’s no way that Steven will believe—

Amethyst: Ssssshhhh! *covers Pearl’s mouth*

Steven : Oh my gosh, Santa! Thank goodness you’ve arrived! Thank goodness you’re not dead!!

Peridot : Thank goodness we aren’t the villains in this show!!!

Lapis : Yeah, that would suck.

Peridot : And what about our character development?!

Steven : Santa, I really need your help in explaining the meaning of Christmas, so we can save Christmas!

Steven: *looks around* Where’s Garnet?

Garnet: Garnet went on a mission to Sea World to get more water so that everyone in the con does not die of thirst.

Steven: I have so many questions. What was the first Christmas like?

Garnet: It was 2,000 years ago. The Romans invaded the humans and were taking the life from the planet. One day, a triplet of humans were told by the Stars that a very special boy was to be born. However, they did not have an appropriate kindergarten for him. The mother and father human searched everywhere for an appropriate cave to build a base and perform Fusion.

Steven: Fusion? That’s a little different from the story I heard.

Garnet: They needed to perform Fusion to protect their child from an evil king who wanted to kill him due to worrying the child might steal all his candy.

Steven: But what about Santa?

Garnet: Santa came flying in on a Reindeer named Rudy. He told the king that if he was good, he would get lots of toys and candy, but if he was bad, he would get crushed with a lump of coal in proportion to his evil. The king was crushed by a meteor. He died. The end.

Amethyst: I guess that’s why good kids get presents and bad kids get coal?

Steven: So many questions…But first, does anyone in the audience have any questions for Santa?

*Garnet gets question time from audience*

*Audience: Santa, how do you get around the world in one night?  
Garnet: Time is an illusion.

Audience: How is Rudolph doing?  
Garnet: Ruby the red nosed reindeer and Sapphy the Blue nosed  reindeer are doing good thank you.

*cue to end questions:*

  
Audience: Santa’s what’s the names of your reindeer?   
Garnet: Rudy, Ruby, Saphy, Amy, Peri, Lapy, Pealy--Early-Earl---Bis-Bis-Busy--Business? Bllluuuuuh

*Garnet throws glasses with beard off*    
  
Garnet: Sorry, I panicked.

Steven: Santa is really Garnet? How come Santa, like the postmen, can’t find our house? 

Garnet: I’m not actually Santa. Jamie gave me the beard. I foresaw in my future vision that this costume may be necessary to protect your belief in Santa.

Garnet: I know the true meaning of Christmas. And it is being together and love.

  
  


<Garnet: True Kinda Love Parody--Just Verse 1>

Oh, when a hard holiday goes by   
Keeping it together is hard but that’s why   
You’ve got family   
You’ve got family   
And when there’s a missing Santa Claus   
We’re here with you to search and to find   
Open Your Eyes   
Open Your Eyes   
  


It’s the true, It’s the true   
It’s the true kind of love   
It’s the true, It’s the true   
It’s the true kind of love   
  


Steven: You make a valid point that Christmas IS all about love.

Pearl: I am confused. I still don’t know what Christmas is.

Amethyst: Well, maybe you should watch the Little Butler Holiday Special.

Garnet: Amethyst, We are not going to watch the Little Butler Holiday Special.

Amethyst: Come on, it’s the best. Little Butler says “You People have too much money” like fifty times, I think he set a whole new record.

Peridot : Oh Amethyst, that's ridiculous. I should call you Ridiculousthyst. Obviously, Camp Pining Hearts is Waaaay better than Little Butler.

Peridot : But Lapis and I will forgive you, if you forgive us for vanquishing the actual Santa.

Amethyst: Guys, are you sure you "vanquished” Santa and not just some guy?

Steven : Well, I guess there are a lot of people who dress up as Santa… though I hope you guys didn’t hurt an actual person.

Peridot : I honestly can barely tell the difference between you organics. You all look the same with your organic hair, physical skin, and “organs”.

Lapis : Now pumpkins, those are easy to differentiate.

Peridot : Especially ours. Pumpkin, the most superior pumpkin that ever was.

Pearl: Steven, I’m sure they didn’t actually kill a person... that would be wrong.

Steven : I’m pretty sure you’d know if you killed someone. 

Garnet: Let’s go find Santa.

Pearl: I have a great idea! Raise your hand if you’re Santa! Will the real Santa Claus please stand up?

**Pearl, Garnet, Peridot, & Lapis go into the audience to bring up “Santa”**

*Garnet in audience different place*

Peridot : Hey, you clod in the red with the big hair, turn around! Yes, you!

*Garnet turns around*

Amethyst: Peridot that’s Garnet.

Peridot : I can see that, now that she’s turned around.

*Steven & Amethyst dialogue judging the Santa:*    
  
Steven : These are some mighty fine Santa and Santa’s helpers, but which one is the real thing?

Amethyst: Why don’t you just ask them?

*Steven begins to ask the audience* *Are you Santa? Are you Santa? Etc...*   
  
*Once everyone is up*

Amethyst:  Steven, I’m pretty sure these aren’t what you described Santa as.

Peridot : Ok, you clods! You can go back to your seats now!

Steven : But as per tradition, as a thank you for Santa, I’ve got you some Cookie Cats! It’s the perfect combination of milk & cookies! But since we aren’t actually allowed food in the panel room, they’re ornaments! Which is even better! 

Steven: Please take an ornament. Just don’t eat them because they contain glue and paint. 

  
*Audience can take from the tree if we have time to put them in the tree, otherwise we hand them out*

Lapis : Hey, look who I found! 

*Lapis brings up an inflatable Santa* 

Lapis : Steven, I think I found the Santa we killed. He’s looking better now, I guess someone patched him all up.

Steven : Guys…That’s not Santa. It’s an inflatable lawn ornament. The kind that gets blown around in the wind, if it’s not staked down right.

Lapis : Oh.

Peridot : Hooray! Lapis, this is great! We didn’t run over Santa and destroy Christmas with our Awesome gem powers!

Steven : Yeah, it’s great that no one got hurt… But whatever happened to Santa?

Pearl: Sorry we couldn’t find Santa, Steven.

Amethyst: Not the real one anyway. There’s too many pretenders in costume. *Gives Garnet an obvious look, maybe even coughs Garnet’s name*

Garnet: Sorry, but it had to be done. For Steven.

Peridot : Nowadays, even lawn ornaments pretend to be Santa Claus. Those, clau-ds!

Lapis : Of course, the Camp Pining Hearts Santa was a fake too, but he was a counselor and wasn’t supposed to be real. It was obvious.

Steven : Didn’t you say all of us organics look alike?

Lapis : Well, it’s different, this is Camp Pining Hearts.

Peridot : Yeah, they have uniforms and color coordination. Camp Pining Hearts is very civilized. Christmas in July Santa’s Outfit is superior too. That’s probably why we didn’t recognize your human “inflatable” as Santa. The “real” Santa has sunglasses, flip-flops, shorts, and a tan! We’ve been looking for the wrong Santa from the start!

Amethyst : Now that’s the Christmas spirit. Completely wrong about what Santa looks like, but that’s the spirit.

Peridot : Amethyst, I’ll have you know—

Garnet: *claps* No fighting. Let’s keep on task.

Steven: Yeah, let’s keep looking for Santa! To the warp pad!

Garnet: Hold on a minute. Peridot and Lapis, you keep a couple eyes out here for trouble, or in case Santa or Greg shows up while we are gone.

Lapis : Leave it to us.

Peridot : Do you know how powerful we are?!

Steven : How powerful?

Peridot : COMPLETELY powerful.

Garnet: Good. We have our missions. Let’s go team!

Steven: Waaaaaaaaaaarp paaaaaaaad!

*Walking around in a circle on the stage & Peridot+Lapis exit*   
*Warp pad noise*   
*Make the pose*    
  


*Ends up in Homeworld via warp pads*

Steven : Oh no, it looks like we took a wrong warp pad somewhere. Where are we?

Garnet: Homeworld. We are back on Homeworld.

Steven : Oh, it looks like we’ve been found out already.

Spinel: Steven! You came to visit!

<“Spinel Song: “Joy to the World” ⇒ “Joy to Home world”>

Joy to Home world!   
Steven has come!   
Let Homeworld receive her Diamond!   
Let Every Gem Prepare him—

Steven : Actually, Spinel, I kind of want to be here on the downlow.

Spinel: So, you don’t want all of gem-kind to know?

Steven : Actually, I don’t really even want the Diamonds to know. I’m looking for someone…Santa. And we all just sort of…ended up here looking for him.

Spinel: So, you coming here…was an accident?

Spinel: After all the Diamonds worked hard to change…I betcha didn’t want me to know either, right? After all my hard work to change, and be a better friend, and wait for you to come to us, to say hi…

Steven : No, no, no, it’s not like that, you see…

Steven : It’s an emergency, we need to save the Earth, I mean, to save Christmas…

Spinel: What do you even need to save the Earth from, anyway? Didn’t you just save it a couple months ago?

Steven : We’re trying to save it from the disappearance of Santa Claus.

Spinel: Santa, who?

*Spinel makes a noodle-y question mark or scratches head*

Steven : Claus. Santa Claus. He’s a Jolly Old Man who on Christmas goes around the Earth and gives presents to all the good little Earth boys and girls. 

*Spinel puts on Santa jacket* 

<Spinel: Other Friends ⇒ Other Holidays>

  
[Bad Santa Spinel]

Ho, Ho, Ho, Ho, Ho

Lemme get a look at the festivities   
You must be Halloween   
You must be Valentines   
And New Year’s Ball, well, they countdown for you, isn’t that just swell?

[ Steven ]   
It can’t be!

[Spinel]   
Oh, but it can be!   
And it is!   
I’ve got a new suit and a few new toys that are going to put an end to your    
celebrations, once and for all! 

[ Steven ]   
Whoa, whoa! This has got to be a misunderstanding, in case you haven’t heard, Christmas is actually a pretty big deal and Santa is--

[Spinel]   
Yeah, yeah, I’ve heard. You came all the way to Homeworld to SAVE Christmas from SANTA. I just love that part, where Santa Claus spends the rest of his days on that nowhere north pole, with a bunch of elves!

  
[Spinel Sings]

That’s right I’ve seen the calendar over and over again   
Gee, it’s swell to finally meet other holidays   
That’s right I’ve heard the story, don’t really like how it ends   
Gee, it’s swell to finally meet other holidays   
  


What did kids say about me? What did they say?   
Did they open presents without me? What did they open?   
Did you sing carols without me? What did you sing?   
Did you think all this time that I wouldn’t find out about you?

That’s right I’ve seen the calendar over and over again   
Gee, it’s swell to finally meet other holidays

Steven : Stop! Christmas is not an insignificant, forgotten holiday at all--it’s actually a pretty big deal. And Santa would never do a thing like destroy the other holidays! He's a selfless, jolly man, who gives out gifts to make everyone happy. He just wants to make people happy.

Spinel: Why? Is he their friend or something?

Steven : No, he just does it one night a year, to make people happy.

Spinel: Well, there’s your problem, he does something for thousands of someones he doesn’t really even know all that well, for thooooooousands of years. And what does he get in return? How’s about a little Friendship, or Gratitude?

Steven : Spinel, I—

Spinel: Maybe if he’s disappeared, he doesn’t Want to be found. He’s Had it, and rather than hurt someone he’d like to be Friends with, he’d rather…just be alone.

<Spinel Song: “Drift Away” ⇒ “Gift Away” >

Here in the North Pole   
Let’s celebrate   
I’ll show you how it’s done   
Here in the North Pole   
Workshop away   
This’ll be so much fun

And the kids smiled   
That’s what I’m after   
A smile in their eyes   
the sound of their laughter   
Happy to listen   
Happy to pay   
Happily working to gift away

Happily waiting   
for Christmas Day   
Under the snowy sky   
Counting the seconds   
sleighing alone   
as thousands of years go by

Happily wonder-ing   
Night after Night   
Is this how it works?

Am I gifting it right?

Happy to wrap   
Happy Holidays   
Happily working to gift away

You keep on making presents   
For people who don’t believe   
People don’t believe about you   
And still it takes you ages to see that no one believes   
see that no one believes   
see that no one believes   
Everyone’s gone on without you

Finally Christmas   
Finally Holidays   
Everything’s merry and bright

You don’t exist now   
Just their imagination   
And children have got to grow up   
Isn’t that lovely   
Isn’t that cool?   
And aren’t I a fool   
Happily wrapping   
Happy Holidays   
Happily working to gift away   
Gift Away

Spinel: Of course, it’s different for me. Now, I don’t just have one friend, but Three, and they see me as a gift. And they like and Believe in me. But who does Santa have?

Steven : Mrs. Claus, the elves, and the reindeer.

Pearl: By the way, where are the Diamonds?

Amethyst: Yeah, aren’t you guys glued to the hip?

Spinel: We thought we’d take a 15 minutes break. *Not* six thousand years. 15 minutes, so they can do some governing that’ve put off. Speaking of which, I have to go back before they worry. It sure is nice to have someone worry about you. It’s good to have friends.

*Spinel leaves*

Steven : Something tells me Santa is not going to be here.

Amethyst: Let’s get out of here then!

*Steven and the Gems return to Beach City*

Peridot + Lapis : Steven, did you find Santa?

Steven: No…

Lapis : Then what do you want to do about Christmas?

Steven : Well, no matter what we are going to celebrate it.

Amethyst: No matter what!

Garnet: Steven, didn’t you say earlier that Santa delivers gifts after everyone is asleep?

Steven : Well, yes.

Garnet: And he’s so popular that everyone dresses up like him, but no one ever sees him. Why do you think that is?

Steven : O my gosh, maybe he is shy--terrified of his fame and legions of adoring fans who dress up like him! He also has to make enough toys for the entire world.

Amethyst: But without Santa how will you prove that the true meaning of Christmas isn’t Lil’ Butler?

Pearl: I’m a little confused... Is Santa really all that important to celebrating Christmas? Greg did not seem all that concerned about Santa when he was explaining Christmas to Rose. Though I really didn’t listen to it all. 

Peridot : It sounds like to me, we should be celebrating Christmas in July instead!

Lapis : And at least we know the true meaning of Christmas in July.

Amethyst: Isn’t it buying stuff?

Peridot : No, it’s being together!

Lapis : In the Camp Pining Hearts Holiday Special, Paulette is sad that camp is halfway through the year, and she won’t be able to see everyone in the fall or spend the holidays together. Percy and the other campers decide to cheer her up with a Christmas in July celebration.

Peridot : And it was there, that Pierre and Percy were underneath the mistletoe, and all the other campers were telling them to kiss. But Paulette, that clod, had to ruin everything by existing, and so despite it being the perfect moment for Pierre and Percy to realize their feelings, we got more Paulette and Percy!

Lapis : The point is that Christmas in July is all about coming together with the people you care about, not finding Santa.

Steven : Oh my gosh, that sounds wonderful. But then, I hope I haven’t ruined Christmas for you guys by chasing after Santa this whole time.

Amethyst: It’s ok, Steven.

Pearl: Because we were together.

Garnet: And being together, not just in fusion, is what Christmas, just like Christmas in July, is all about.

<All I Want for Christmas ⇒ All I Want for Christmas parody>

[Chorus]   
I don’t want a lot for Christmas   
There is just one thing I need   
I don’t care about meep morps   
Underneath the EEaaaaarth tree

I just want you here with me   
We are one big family   
Make my Happy After true   
All I want for Christmas is you

<Short Interlude>

I don’t want a lot for Christmas   
There is just one thing I need   
I don’t care about meep morps   
Underneath the EEaaaaarth tree

[ Peridot + Lapis :]   
I don’t need to watch *TV Percy-Pierre   
There in my communication hub *you're all I'll ever need   
[ Steven ]   
Santa Claus won’t make me happy   
Without him on Christmas Day

  
[Chorus]

I just want you here with me   
We are one big family   
Make my Happy After true   
All I want for Christmas is you   
Faaaaaaaaaam’ly

  
[Chorus]

I don’t want a lot for Christmas   
There is just one thing I need   
I don’t care about meep morps   
Underneath the EEaaaaarth tree

[ Amethyst ]   
I won’t make a list and send it   
To Lil’ Butler for the Moneys   
[Garnet]   
I’m just gonna keep my fusion   
Underneath the mistletoe

  
[Everyone]

Cause I just wanna be here tonight   
Holding family so tight   
What more can I do?   
Oh, Fam’ly, all I want for Christmas is you

[ Steven ]   
All the gems are glowing   
My friends everywhere   
And the sounds of jamming   
Laughter fills the air    
And everyone is singing   
I feel our love tingling   
Santa, won’t you come join my family and me?   
Won’t you please join my family and me?

[Chorus]

I don’t want a lot for Christmas   
There is just one thing I need   
I don’t care about meep morps   
Underneath the EEaaaaarth tree

[ Steven ]

Oh, I don’t want a lot for Christmas   
This is All I’m asking for   
I just wanna see my family   
Happy right insiiiiiiide my door

[Chorus]   
I just want you here with me   
We are one big family   
Make my Happy After true   
All I want for Christmas is you

You, faaaam’ly   
All I want for Christmas is you   
All I want for Christmas is you

All I want for Christmas is you

All I want for Christmas is you

All I want for Christmas is you

_ ENDING SONG: _

_ WE ARE THE HOLIDAY GEMS. _ _   
_ _ We'll always save Christmas. _ _   
_ _ And if you think we won't, _ _   
_ _ you'll get coal in your stocking. _ _   
_ _ That's why the elves of this world, _ _   
_ _ believe in Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl *us. _ _   
_ _ And Steven! And Santa! _

##  *Optional Easter Egg Scene:*

Amethyst: So Garnet, what exactly was that mission for saving Christmas about?

Garnet: I didn’t say we were saving Christmas, though is there really was a threat to it, we would be on that. I said we need to save Christmas for Steven.

Steven: For me?

Garnet: Steven, Greg is late because initially he was going to dress up as Santa, but then something happened to his outfit, so we could not ask Greg-Santa about Christmas. As a result, my Future Vision showed lots of difficult to navigate through pathways.

Steven: I can’t believe my Dad is Santa!

Garnet: He is not, but him dressing up as Santa was important to maintaining the Spirit of Christmas in you. 

Amethyst: So, that’s why you dressed up as Santa.

Garnet: In other Future Visions, I foresaw many possibilities from Steven looking for Santa one thousand years from Steven thinking Lapis and Peridot actually killed the real non-inflatable Santa--

Steven: I would never think that!

Garnet: In an extreme circumstance. To Peridot accusing Spinel of killing Santa.

Peridot : She did try to destroy all organic life on Earth, so it’s not impossible.

Steven: But she’s changed!

Garnet: In a timeline we showed up 15 minutes later, we ended up meeting the Diamonds. Another timeline, Steven decided not to spend any more holidays with the gems anymore. And in another timeline, Steven had a horrible series of nightmares.

Steven: Nightmares? That’s really not a big deal.

Garnet: That was one strange timeline. I think we might have replaced Santa in that one.

Steven: What?! What happened?

Garnet: Well, after Spinel pretended to be Bad Santa, instead of Steven explaining Christmas and Santa are different, I fought Spinel as Good Santa. And then the Crystal Gems decided to Protect the Earth from Santa, and be the ones to deliver the toys so Christmas still happened. But we didn’t have toys, so we just gave some of Steven’s socks. The End.


End file.
